Admoneo: Before The Storm

Contradictory to what I have thought, I don’t feel excited at all. I feel anxious, like.. super. My stomach is rumbling, but I don’t feel like eating. In fact I feel sick, like I’m going to throw up anytime soon. Why am I feeling like this? I never feel nervous in any of my expedition before.

Well, I did feel it I guess, but not as great as this, it was when Vero and Elliot joined me in our first expedition in the 3rd floor corridor. I was so anxious that it’ll turn out into something bad and it did actually, but my anxiety level at that moment was not as massive of what I’m feeling right now. Hmm.. It’s probably because more people will be involved, that means more responsibilities and more risks.

I guess I made the wrong choice when I decided to tell the boys of this expedition. I should’ve know better that Vero will volunteer because he cares and worries too much about me, Elliot has the same case, but I know that he wanted to join because he himself is curious about the howling too, though he doesn’t want to admit it. I can’t lie to both of them, not with something this big. They’ll never forgive me if they know I lied to them, and they’ll probably feel betrayed because I don’t share this secret with them. And Alice, our sweet little Alice..

I’m really confused… Should I just lied and go on my own, or with Hawthorne at least? Is that a better option? This is the first time I finally have.. friends, close friends to be precise. And though it sometimes can be annoying, but it is fun to have them around. In fact, I want to maintain our friendship, I don’t want to lose them just because I need to lie at them, but I don’t want to endanger their life either…

It’s because of that dream… That stupid dream from Dillon! What is he playing at again..? I thought he stopped. Or is it really wasn’t him? But then.. who?

“Verania?”

I feel a light tap on my shoulder, so I look up from my plate which I’ve been staring for the last fifteen minutes and finds Professor Cael is standing behind me. I caught off guard and doesn’t response to him quickly, instead I blink a few times before I finally clear my throat and speak to him. “Good afternoon, professor.”

He smiles at me. “You don’t like your beef lasagna, you barely touch it?”

Lovely, just exactly what I need at the moment, a teacher’s sympathy, and he happens to be the head of my House. It’s not that I dislike him. In fact, I like Professor Cael very much. He is a kind soul, and he saved me several times when I almost got caught by the prefect.  “It’s really good sir. I just… have something else in mind.”

He tilts his head to the side and watches me carefully. “Well, that must’ve be very stressful then, it’s a rare sight to find you very distracted,” he says as he takes a seat beside me with a proper distance between us. I’m glad that at least now I appear decent enough, I finally had the chance to take my bath after I talked with Vero and Elliot earlier after the meeting. It’s inappropriate I think, to look like a mess in front of a teacher.

“You think so?” I raise a brow at him, thinking about how much he knows me. He constantly saved me since my first year here in Hogwarts. So besides classes, we interacted a lot of time too.

Meanwhile, somewhere around Ravenclaw’s table, I can feel some soul staring and piercing their eyes into me, they must be thinking ‘Oh look, it’s Verania with the teacher, again’ or ‘Teacher’s pet.’ They’re definitely my classmates. But I think I’m used to their judgment, and I don’t really care if they think I’m arrogant or ignorant towards them. Since I have real friends now.

“I know so,” he nod, take a clean goblet from the table, and pour some pumpkin juice inside it. “What is it Verania? Do you have something to tell me?” he asks, sipping the liquid while maintaining eye contact with me.

Yes sir, actually I’m planning to enter the forbidden forest tonight with my best friends, a first year, and two of the best students in this school. If it would gone wrong we could probably end up dead, and I’m not even sure anymore if I can lead this expedition. It’s very hard to not say that to him, I’m almost tempted just because I’m curious to see how his reaction would look like. “Do you think curiosity is a sin, sir?” instead I ask that. Well, it’s more or less what I’m worried about anyway. So I didn’t lie to him, literally, right?

“You’re not planning to conduct another exploration, aren’t you girl?” he put the goblet and looks at me seriously, frowning.

Actually, I am, sir. “No sir, that’ll be hideous,” now this is a lie. “I was just thinking about… how my curiosity always seems to meddle with things around me, and that sometimes it could bring me to the most wonderful places, or even hell.” But seriously, I can’t just tell him, can’t I? The other will be in trouble as well.

He sighs in relief. “Well, I guess that curiosity is not a bad thing, as long as it’s on par with self-control and responsibilities of the individual,” and his tone is back to normal. “It is certainly not a sin, it’s the human nature that pushes us to keep learning and studying. I guess that without curiosity, human will never know in how to do things that are convenient for them in this age,” he explains his answer to me, rather dreamily, like usual. “Though yes, it could lead to something out of turn or even something negative, that’s why you need to have a good self-control and responsibility.”

I listened to him carefully, and suddenly, I feel more uneasy than before. “I wonder if I have the other two qualities sir… I think that my curiosity level has reach the point where I’m willing to give up everything in order to know one thing,” I tell him as I look back down to my plate, feeling very guilty, and the stomachache strikes me again.

He chuckles, returning my attention towards him. “Do you really believe that?” I don’t answer. “Can I see your wand?” I feel unsure about what he’s going to do, but eventually I pull out my wand from my jacket and give it to him. “I’m not very much of an expert, but this is cherry wood, correct? One of my colleagues in Japan has a wand from cherry too, we are very close. I recognize it from the texture, though I wonder why yours is in golden color. Cherry is a red wood, are you aware of that?” he talks as he observes my wand in his hands, twisting it gently and feeling its material.

I can’t help but smile at his… almost innocent and dreamy gesture. “Yes sir. Well, maybe they wanted to paint or furnish it differently or something,” I say to him, half-jokingly.

“Maybe indeed,” he chuckles again at me and nod. “Do you know about what the wand maker say about cherry wand?”

I thought about it. Mr. Ollivander didn’t tell me much about it, he was just smiling and told me that it’s a very beautiful and a suitable wand for me, and asked me to take care of it and use it wisely, so there’s only vague explanation in there. But I think I read it somewhere, and actually, I feel quite unsatisfied with the result. “They said that though the wood is rare, it’s purely an ornamental wand, sir,” I answer boringly.

“Wrong,” quickly, Professor Cael flicks the tip of my wand to my nose. It surprises me, really. I mean, what if it did something when it flicked? “Do you see Professor Longbottom over there? He wields a cherry wand too. And he truly is a remarkable wizard,” he says then as he gesture me to the teacher’s table. I do as he instructed and finds Professor Longbottom is talking with GRD at the moment. He is? I mean, not about he’s being a remarkable wizard, but about him being the wielder of the cherry wand.

Suddenly, Professor Cael clears his throat and asks for my attention again, so I return my focus at him. “It is said that cherry wand holds a strange power, and in its maximum capacities it could be very lethal, especially when it teamed up with dragon heartstring as its core. The wizards who wields it must have exceptional self-control and strength of mind,” he explains it to me seriously, his voice sounds deeper and lower, and this is the first time I ever seen him like this.

I thought about what he just said carefully. Darn it, now everything makes sense. Oh dear, I’m not sure if I’m satisfied with this new info too. If anything I feel more anxious about my capabilities to lead the expedition tonight. “Well.. now I know why I can damage more in offensive and destructive spells..” I gulp hard, voicing my anxiety. My wand core is a dragon heartstring indeed. “And I think, I can’t control myself sometimes professor.” Especially when he’s around, something on the back of my mind adds as I think about a certain brunette boy who is my senior in sixth year.

Again, I’m very surprise when my teacher laughs lightly and pat my shoulder instead of considering my anxiety with the seriousness he held before. “No fear, Verania. I guess that your wand choose you solely for that purpose. It could sense that you, at least, are on your way in achieving that exceptional self-control and strength of mind,” he says to me softly as he returns my wand. I take his words into consideration and receive my wand back with a deep thought in my mind.

I look down at it, touching it lightly, and stares at its golden color and the flowers and the vine carves which is tint in a pink and reddish brown color. It is truly a beautiful wand, and seems ornamental enough. I admit that I felt very happy when it chooses me, I love beautiful things like most girls do. Now I have a new info about it, and though it’s frightening, I also find it very useful, at least now I know what I need to work on with.

Professor Cael waves his hand gently in front of my face to wake me up from my thoughts. “I know you have it in you, and you’ll get there. That’s why I let you wander around in the hallway, because I know that you’ll always take responsibilities for your action, and mainly because I don’t have a heart to give detention to my students or get them into more trouble,” he explains it to me again, with half-jokingly, to lighten the mood. I laugh when he said that he don’t have the heart to send his students into detention, at least I know that it’s true. “Do you know Alistair Frutensia, the one who is quite popular amongst the girls I suppose?”

My smile falter, but I nod quickly at him. In return, his smile gets wider. “You are the very total opposite of him. Make friends with him if you can, he’s a nice boy, and I’m sure both of you can get along despite your differences, and probably can help each other at that same point. You’ll find within him that even though self-control and responsibility are important, spontaneous, can also be a good thing too,” he says as he looks around to find Frutensia. Fortunately that boy isn’t around, or he might call him or something, and that’ll be super awkward. But I take his words into consideration again though.

“Thank you professor,” I say finally, looking straight into his eyes, feeling very thankful. “I feel better,” I add, and it is the truth. Although I don’t know if he just wanted to cheer me up or something with his words, and that maybe his explanation was not entirely true and he made up some of it, but it’s lighten the burden inside of me, somehow. He has that kind of abilities which is similar of my father.

He nods at me and ruffles my hair. “Finish your food, child,” and then he stands up and leave the table. “Oh, and Verania,” he suddenly stops and turns mid-way. “Keep away from trouble, will you?” and giving me the meaningful and signature look that I constantly receives from him.

I almost laugh out loud, but instead I just smile very widely to him. “I’ll try, sir,” I nod, feeling a bit guilty that I’m going to break those words soon enough.

After that, Professor Cael continues to join with the other teachers for lunch. I see from the corner of my eyes when Professor Roark talks to him and when both of them glance at me. Probably she wants to know what makes him stop in the student’s table, and why he was talking to me in particular. I see Professor Cael smiles lightly at her and shake his head, probably tell her that nothing happened. At least, that’s what I wanted to believe. I certainly hope that he wouldn’t talk about my problems to anyone.

I sighs, continue eating my beef lasagna and actually astound that I’m really able to eat it now, I even finish them until the last bits. Professor Cael can be amazing sometimes, and I hope that the plan tonight will goes well so the teachers will not have to be involved. I can’t imagine how Professor Cael would look at me if that’s going to happen, probably with utter-disappointment, and Professor Roark would probably exclaim ‘Aha, I knew you were up to something.’

I really don’t want to imagine it, so I take my leave from the great hall and head to the owlery. There’s one last thing I need to do.

I write my letter as soon as I get there, then I pick the fastest owl, and send it away to Dillon Desrosiers, my distant cousin. It would take time to talk to him, especially because Durmstrang is far away. But I figure I could wait and exchange mails with him until supper, it’s still 1 p.m anyway.

What did you do this morning? Did you somehow screw around my head again?

I had quidditch practice. And Anya, I totally don’t know what you are talking about.

I have a dream about you this morning, it felt so real. Just like when you saved me in the 3rd floor corridor expedition.

I told you that weren’t me, I didn’t do anything. I’m not that powerful to be able to appear on someone’s dream. And what did ‘I’ say this morning anyway? It sounds like it’s upsetting you or something.

Well, it does upset me. But forget it, it’s not important anymore, and you don’t need to know. Go back to your activities. I need to prep myself to supper too.

Verania ‘Solange’ Bellross, you’re not going to do anything out of ordinary tonight aren’t you? And don’t you dare reply me about telling the details tomorrow.

I’ll mail you the details tomorrow. Take care.

I look around, it’s dark already, it’s probably almost 7 p.m. So I stand up from my hidden spot in the corner. Some students used the owlery too earlier, but none of them notice me. Well, I don’t mind that, I actually feeling glad that they didn’t notice me since I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone, except Dillon.

I finally got my answer, even though I’m still not unsatisfied with it, but I have no choice to let it sit for now. And no matter how much I wanted to tell Dillon about this exciting expedition I’m going to have in less than six hours, I don’t want to make him worry. True that he would never tell on me to anybody, that’s the agreement between us, in exchange that I would never tell on him too. But that’s what makes it worse.

With a heavy sighs and steps, I finally leave the owlery. It’s almost time. And I sincerely hope that no storm will be coming tonight.