Admoneo: The Forgotten

A/N: There’ll be a lot of Korean terms in this fic, so make sure to read the artist comment for reference of the meaning. Thanks

- The Forgotten  -

It’s a very cold and early morning in November, and I’m sitting alone at the quidditch pitch, up above on the spectator seat, with a letter on my lap and my broom beside me. Gomawo, is the content of the letter. It’s short and clean, and doesn’t feel heartfelt at all. All I can do after I opened it is just… staring at it. To tell the truth, I don’t expect some kind of excessive gratitude, or response. But still.. It hurts so much.

It’s Sang-Ook Oppa birthday a week ago, my older brother. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, or talk to him. He never replied to my letter before, and whenever I got the chance to see and ask him he always said that, ‘I’m so busy’ as a reason, before he finally walked away, again. Actually, he made it clear that I shouldn’t care or love him anymore, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. He’s my only sibling, a family.. The same blood is running in our veins, and if our omma died too, I’ll only have him and he’ll only have me. So how can I possibly ignore him?

Omma always said to me, that no matter how cold my brother is, I’ll always have to take care of him, and in the end we’ll have to take care of each other. Even if we dislike one another. She always told me that it’s not oppa’s fault that he became like this. She said that it’s her fault and appa, because appa was too hard and strict to him, and omma did nothing to stop him because she was bound to the law where the wife should obey the husband. It’s not like appa was evil, he’s just… very firm and stern like my halmeoni. So no wonder Sang-Ook oppa become like this..

“Oppa!” I remember I cried so hard and ran after him, when I was 5 years old. He was 12, and it was a day after the rest of our family got exiled. It was raining so hard, two bodyguards escorted him to the gate, and despite my omma grip on me I broke free and darted through the rain. “Oppa eodiga?” I was able to grabbed his elbow, I was so afraid that those man will hurt him, and that I’ll never see him again.

But then he turned around. “Shikkeuro!” and pushed me harshly. I fell on my butt, and scrapped my elbows because I used them to support my body when I was falling. Despite the stinging pain though, I was more surprised to his sudden violent. Coldly, oppa stared at me from under his umbrella. “Ah-Reum ah, nuhn johm jjajeungnahndah,” and stated it simply before he finally turned his back on me, and continued to walk to the black limo.

I was too dumbfounded, too shocked by his words. I didn’t even understand what that means at that moment. One thing I knew for sure though, I never saw him again after that. He didn’t come to harabeoji’s funeral, and there’s no sign of him when omma and I were banished to UK. Not until two years ago.

I was 13, helpless as my halmeoni and the rest of my family making a decision about my future as the Han’s heir. My mother cried for me, telling me that I have to be strong and such because the real threat is not on the outside but at the inside. Without wasting any time, I was brought back to Seoul in summer break, they didn’t let omma to come with me. And I thought losing harabeoji is the worst thing that could happen to me. Turned out that my own sukbu wanted me dead, and my halmeoni is a hypocrite.

It was raining again, and I was just arrived at the Han’s family house. Halmeoni and my relatives were busy arguing at her office, while I’m kneeling in front of harabeoji’s photo on the huge living room. That’s when he came, greeted me with his warm smile. “Ah-Reum ah,  bo go shi pawt sso,” he said as he buttons up his expensive shirt. Though he looked really different from his 12 years old self—now looking very tall and handsome, I recognized him almost immediately. However, nothing came out of my mouth. I was just kneeling and staring at him, unable to comprehend the fact on how he could be so carefree and greet me as if nothing happened between us, as if we meet each other every day. “Kurom, annyeong,” he then put his hands in his pockets, beamed brightly, and turned to leave somewhere.

It took me a while, but eventually I stood up and ran after him, again. He was in his car, and about to drive when I blocked the vehicle. He stared at me confusedly from behind the glass, and eventually gave me a sign to come in after some time. “Wae gurae?” he asked when I finally took a seat beside him, I was soaking wet and drenching his seat, he didn’t seem to be annoyed by that though. “Is something bothering you?” oppa continued as he took a clean towel from his backpack on the back seat.

“Why.. English?” for the first time after I arrived in Korea, I finally spoke. He smiled and started dabbing my face, softly. I flinched though, his touches felt alien, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“Because it seems that you forgot how to speak Korean. See how I can finally get you to speak now, with English? You probably understand it better,” he explained. “I don’t blame you though, it’s been so long since you live there. 7 years now, is it?” He didn’t sound harsh at all, but I knew that there’s more behind his words. He was mocking me.. He was mocking me and I said to myself that it’s nothing.

I gulped hard. “It’s not like that..” and denied the fact.

He smirked, ignored it, and started dabbing my body. “So, what is it?” he asked after some moments of silence. Eventually he put the towel on my lap and left me to dry myself alone.

I was very confused at that time. I didn’t know how to break it down for him, or comprehend the fact, again, on how he could be so carefree and blind about this. “Oppa, do you know what will happen to me in three days?” I inquired carefully, mostly because he’s so much older than me and because he felt like a stranger. I was just a 13 years old teenager, and he was a 20 years old young man.

Oppa shrugged. “Of course. There’ll be a grand ceremony to legitimate your status as the shaman of the royal family,” and answered simply.

His answer alone was enough to dumbstruck me. “And.. y-you’ll do nothing?” I asked again, stuttered. Outside, the rain hit the car so hard that it frightened me.

“Why should I?” he scoffed and looked front.

I looked at him in disbelief. “Oppa, you’re so much better than me, I know you do. You had visions when we’re younger, a lot. I never get any of them,” and reasoned, looking a bit panic. Yes, I really didn’t want that ceremony, or any of these. Besides the fact that it’ll chain me forever, I’m also not qualified enough.

“Yet,” oppa added almost immediately.

And I shook my head quickly. “I doubt it. You’re also smarter than me—”

“Are you implying that I should take your place?” he chuckled sarcastically and cut me off. “Are you kidding me? Don’t you know what I am right now?” he asked after there’s no response from me, and I shook my head slowly. “I’m a top model, world class. I don’t give a damn about the wizarding world anymore!” oppa answered proudly, he grinned as he scrambled my head.

It made me speechless. Of course I didn’t mean him to sacrifice himself for me, although if I were him I’ll probably do anything to help my sibling. Yes, help, help and guidance, that’s what I need. That’s what I looked from him. “Then why are you here?” I finally found my voice again, and questioned, sounded colder than I intended too.

Oppa laughed and smacked the dashboard lightly, as if my question was very stupid for him. “Because Halmeoni forced me. She said she’ll talk to sukbu to cut off my monthly allowance if I don’t come,” he said, and it broke my heart. “Besides, it’s not the power that matters, but the sense of responsibility. That’s the very reason why Halmeoni still doesn’t trust sukbu. Just so you know, it’s a blood bath in there,” my older brother added and gave a pat on my arm.

During that time, omma already told me about what happened between sukbu and appa, and I thought that oppa didn’t know about that. That’s why he’s so ignorant, that’s what went through my mind. “Oppa, omma told me that sukbu was the one who killed appa, and now he’s going to try to kill me too if I’m in the line,” so I told him that. But I was wrong. I was so naïve.

He scoffed again. “That’s the very reason why I shouldn’t help you, right? Let’s say if I step up for you, then I’ll be the next target,” and looked a bit upset as he talked to me. “Give me one good reason, on why I should help you,” his next question also caught me off guard, completely. Now that I think of it, there’s no need for me to answer it back then, the answer already crystal clear.

Again, I was speechless. “Sang-Ook oppa, naega.. yeodongsaeng iya,” and I sounded very hoarse as I spoke. I looked into my brother’s eyes, and in return he smirked to me coldly. I was hurt, and there’s a sob on the back of my throat, but still I didn’t cry and it upset me until now. It upset me too that he didn’t care about it.

“So?” he inquired shortly, as if my words before had no effect on him. “Ah-reum ah, just because I’m your older sibling doesn’t mean that I have to sacrifice my dreams for you, even myself. That unfair law doesn’t apply on me. In fact, I couldn’t be happier when you’re born, because with the right manipulation, I can run away from all responsibility and ends up where I am now. I just have to wait for my momentum,” and this explanation had hit me so hard in my face. I felt so cold, as if his car was made from the blocks of ice.

“You mean appa’s death?” I chuckled bitterly before I even knew it, still maintained my eye contact.

He looked away from me. “I didn’t say that, and I did feel sad when he’s gone, even until now I still missed him a lot. But yea, I guess you can call that as a momentum,” and shrugged as he tapped his fingers on the dashboard. For that one second, he really did look sad as he stared outside.

My gaze softened, I was still hoping that there’s some kindness left in him. “Oppa..” so I called out again, and mustered my courage to hold his hand. He looked down to our hands, but I was still too young to read his expression, to understand it. “Do you even care about any of this? Do you even care about omma? She missed you so much.. she prayed every night for your safety,” I told him softly, expectantly. “Do you even care about me?”

He smiled at me thinly, and squeezed my hand briefly. “Omma gave birth to us, that’s true. But our life is our own. And let me get one thing clear for you,” before finally letting it go. “You don’t have to care about me again or give a damn, because dongsaeng ah, nan dangsin eul joa han jeogi eobseo, nan dangsin eul salanghaji jeogi eobseo,” and put it back on my lap as he stared into my eyes and said this as if it’s just a usual matter. “Arraseo?”

I looked up to him, still not crying despite how much his words hurt me, despite how much he broke me. Finally, I blinked and looked away. “Ne.. Naega algesseupnida,” I answered him weakly, my gaze pinned on the towel on my thighs.

“Kure,” he sighs, as if relief that he finally straightened that out. “Then again, don’t be so sad dongsaeng ah. You can always read your fortune, and I think you already read it long before this, that it is your destiny to be the heir,” oppa cheered me up and patted my arm again. But I knew that he’s mocking me for the second time that day. I could finally see what kind of person he is. “Ups, I forgot. You can’t read your own fortune, aren’t you? So, does that mean that you’ll live a short life after your ceremony? Let’s see.. If you died at your 30es that makes me in my late 30es or at the beginning of my 40es. During that time I probably already ready to commit myself to our family, so it’s a good strategy. Keep it that way and you’ll be free in no time,” he added and explained it to me with a very positive attitude.

I was unable to do anything after that. “Ne..” except to nodded and answered slowly.

“Good,” he nodded too and seemed very happy as he took the towel and put it to cover my head. “Now,” he then leaned to my direction and opened the door for me. “Get out. I’m late,” said him coldly, as he straightened his back again.

And so, with a heavy and broken heart, I left his car. And despite what I said that night at the family council meeting, despite my objections and my pleads.. The ceremony still took place three days after that. Oppa was there that night too, but he didn’t say a thing, even when the council asked for his opinion he told them back to carry on. No one stood up for me. I was alone that night.

“Chuka hamnida, Ah-Reum ssi,” said oppa three days after that as he bowed at me, after the ceremony was over. He finally greeted me on the stage, after all the guests congratulated me and headed to eat. Unlike last time, the weather now was bright and sunny.

I sat there, crossing my legs, resting my hands under my hanbok. My bun and my hair pin felt very heavy, so does the traditional clothes and everything I wore at that day. “Kamsahamnida,” eventually I looked up and smiled at him sincerely, before I finally bowed to him back.

That was the last time I really saw him, and ever since then I never really talked to him again, even if I wrote a letter for him he never replied to me back, when we met he avoided me. However, no matter how upsetting it is for me, I always found myself missing him every time his birthday is near. I always remembered how he gave the biggest cake slice to me on his birthday, how he let me blew his candle, how he offered me the presents I like the most even if it meant for him, how he said, “Ah-Reum ah, saranghae,” to me before he hugged and carried me around on his shoulder. It was all blurry, but I remember it clearly, and I know it’s him.

And so, for the first time in forever, I sent him a birthday present. It’s very simple, a lucky charm for his job, and I hope he like it, or at least he’ll keep it around and will not throw it away. Well, he wrote gomawo though, and for the first time he write to me. That’s good news, right?

Smiling and chuckling bitterly, I fold the letter and put it safely in my pocket. After that I stand up, taking my broom with me, and walking to the edge of the platform. “Neo hana mitgo manyang, haengbokhaesseotdeon naega. Useupge namgyeojyeosseo. Saekkisongarak geolgo maengsehaesseotdeon nega. Gyeolgugen,” I sing G-Dragon song, ‘crooked,’ as I jump down and let myself fall, laughing as I’m feeling the wind around me and torn me apart. “Yeongwonhan geon jeoldae eobseo. Gyeolguge neon byeonhaetji. Iyudo eobseo jinsimi eobseo. Sarang gateun sori ttawin jibeo chyeo. Oneulbameun ppittakhage,” I’m trying to ignore the fact that he changed. “Naebeoryeodwo. Eochapi nan honjayeotji. Amudo eobseo da uimi eobseo. Satang ballin wiro ttawin jibeo chyeo. Oneulbameun ppittakhage,” trying to ignore the fact that my older brother died a long time ago, with my father. “Oneulbameun nareul wihae amu mal marajullaeyo. Honjain ge na ireoke himdeul jul mollanneunde, geudaega bogo sipeo! Oneulbamman nareul wihae chinguga doeeojullaeyo. I joheun nal areumdaun nal nega geuriun nal. Oneulbameun ppittakhage,” trying to ignore the fact that I hate myself because still can’t bring myself to cry even after that.

“Whoops,” about three meters from the ground, I shove my broom between my legs and rockets to the edge of the forbidden forest, getting ready for my ritual dance this morning.