Can you remember..?
How it feels to be completely happy? Without any burden.. Just floating on cloud 9. Light, content, and simple.
Because I can’t.
I wish I’ve ended it sooner. That way, none of us would be suffering. None of us would go crazy.. Time would spare us from any obligation, from any sacrifices.. You wouldn’t have to run. You wouldn’t have to run and chase me over and over again. You told me that you know nothing except loving me, that’s why you keep running to wherever I would be. Although it touched me, I don’t know anything else to feel.. Let me ask you one thing; do you want a sorry heart?
I’ve always lived for somebody else.. I existed to fulfill their expectation. Are you saying that I have to sacrifice myself again, for you? Is that going to make you super happy?
Then let me ask you one thing…
What about me? Does my happiness… matters, to anyone at all? Would you even try to heal my scars instead of forcing me to heal them.. Should I pretend that everything’s alright? Should I smile and tell you ‘yeah, I’m completely okay with everything. I want to make you happy. So make me yours.’
I’m not perfect, and I thank you because you told me that you could live with it. I wish some people are more like you.. I hope they stopped pushing me around. I hope they stopped putting more and more burden and expectation.. I hope they stopped blaming me for other’s action. I hope they stopped killing me..
I don’t want to run anymore. I’m trying to deal with you, with them.. But why.. Why none of you actually listened to me..? Why none of you understand despite my pleas.. Tell me, what should I do? Should the real me really disappear? Should I be someone else to make you and those people happy? Shall we try it? Shall we see what’s left of me in the end?
Do you remember, how it feels to be completely happy? Because I don’t.. I long forgotten how it was..
If I jump, would I remember those feelings?
I don’t know the answer. But I do know that the sky looks beautiful.. It's raining and it's beautiful.
And so, I jump. So I can remember how it feels. Because I’m tired, and no one would save me… and I just want to save myself.
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